If you could go anywhere in the world right now would it be to a “where” or to a “who”?
I was not prepared for this question
Nights like these are the kinds that remind me how much I love my life.
Every struggle, every strength
Every loss, every gain…
I am indescribably grateful.
It is such a blessing-
"The best memories are the ones you can’t explain, you just had to be there. It’s those days where we sit around and do nothing. It’s those moment we cry. It’s the way we look at each other and know what’s going through each others heads. It’s those stupid pictures and jokes. That’s the reasons we’re best friends."
Coming home will never be the same…
So little do you know..
I may or may not be ready for this..
I thought I knew how depression felt. I thought I went through it before. The sadness, the fake smiles when all you want to do is cry, the laziness when getting up in the morning, and the lonely feeling you get when no one is around. Little did I know.. so little… I was far from it. I felt everything. And I felt it all too strong. Now I’m no doctor, Nor do I feel need to research, but what I feel now…It comes and goes, feels like depression. I could be wrong. I could be out if my right mind. I could be in a state of grief. I’ve never truly mourned before, so call me crazy, or in this case - depressed. It’s not easy to describe the feeling. Because you don’t feel anything at all. Well, I don’t….You don’t feel sad, you don’t feel happy. Just okay.And you’re not sure what to do with that. Or if you’re supposed to do anything at all. And the urge to ‘do’ - It doesn’t exist. Interest is lost And no matter how much you fight, You can never break down the wall between the old you And you, now. And you want to be surrounded by people, But be left alone at the same time. Friends. Consolation. Tell you things that get you by. For just a moment, however. And you secretly hope for them to reach out a bit further.. But asking for it Would be.. Well.. Asking for it. Selfish. You know? Because who am I? To ask you To do so… Irrelevant. Like your presence Would make no difference. Because you’re not really there Anyway. Your mind wanders Every which way. High, low. Tic, tac, toe. And you forget what you were talking about…. I forgot what I was talking about… Go on about your days. They go so fast. Its frustrating, Knowing that there’s things you need to do And not being able to do them. You slack, lack all care and motivation. But you go on anyway. And kind of just forget how it was. Forget how you use to do things. And live. You forget how it felt To feel. How long will this one last.. Until I tell myself again, It’s passed.